I’ve often looked at life with little to no understanding beyond the present. Sure, I dream of the future and see possibility. But, the moment is never unfolding to a point that I see, when between here and there exists a void of action.
But my dreams are becoming anew.
In a most recent moment, continuing overnight and up to now, my heart became heavy and I know exactly the reason. It is in this sphere of possibility where I find myself engulfed by choices, by wants and wishes, and by the love that flows within me but cannot be touched outside of myself; this love that I cannot share the way I would like.
Now I find myself passing my hopes away, pushing the desire of a once fleeting moment aside and looking at the new dream that has yet to form. Invisible and intangible, yet to be filled with color.
Because in truth, I don’t know when this new spring will emerge or where the dream will begin.
But I wait for it, patiently. Here in this stifled mind, and under a weight of pain that nudges my heart, I wait for it because it is there, somewhere.
I search and I learn.
And I’ve learned a painful lesson.
It is only now that I can fully accept what letting go really means. It is only through this release that a healing may begin, and life becomes new. But yet I cling, I hold tight to an idea, to a picture of life that I have created, and to a person that drives my passions to the precipice of annihilation.
But only I may remove myself from this death.
We all must deliver ourselves to our truth. We must let go of that which cannot serve our heart’s purpose. We all must live by learning, by painful lessons and by earned triumphs. Though these are difficult rungs to reach along the ladder that creaks and sways, it is but a step away at any given moment.
I now find myself moving beyond the moment, beyond time and into the truth. This truth that lives within me always, surfacing at just the right time to say.. Remember me?
Remember what drives you.
Remember what life is really supposed to be.
Remember who you really are.
And I listen. I hear its voice; the lull of reason and clarity resounds in bravado.
Despite all and though my indignation will always be about the wind, my heart cries for new dreams. For new love that is real, tangible and sound.
I wish for it here, to find it there.
One day soon.